Almost two months ago our daughter left home. Not only is this her first time living out of home but she moved interstate, to Melbourne. Yes, she was about the only person trying to get into Melbourne! Due to current restrictions I’m not sure when we’re going to see her again.
So what did we do to acknowledge this milestone, of moving out?
Of course there were lots of farewell gatherings. Many of these were limited to 10 as they were in private homes and that was the restriction at the time. This was not necessarily a bad thing as she got to spend more 1-on-1 time with those who she was saying goodbye to.
On her final night at home after having dinner at my parents (which we do most weeks), we came home and watched some videos of when the kids were little. We also had some fun taking some family photos. This was a fun way to reminisce as we spent our last night together as a family living under the one roof.
At the end of the evening we gave our daughter a little gift with a few little items or symbols and a letter explaining each item, along with expressing our love for her. This was packaged in a small box with a colourful hot air balloon on it to symbolise the next part of her adventure in this journey called life.
The Gift included:
- heart – to remind her that we love her and God loves her
- cross – to remind her of her faith
- rock – family joke but also symbolism as well
- koala nail clippers – because what you say you like at age 8, you’ll get given for years and it was also a practical gift
Some of the wording for the symbols was adapted from the Moving Out practice in Faithful Families: Creating Sacred Moments at Home by Traci Smith.
I also posted a message for our daughter along with photos on facebook, the day she left:
Our beautiful girl, has her bags all packed & she’s on her way to Melbourne to start the next adventure in this journey called life. She’s been ready to go for a long time but she’s finally flown the nest and is on her way. Use those engineering skills you’ve been developing, keep dancing, smiling and enjoying life. Enjoy Melbourne, despite the weather! I know you can’t wait to see your man, after 7 months. Your family loves you and God goes with you! We’ll miss you but we’ll see you again when we can. Stay safe!
How did I cope?
I was very teary in the few weeks leading up to her departure, especially once the flight & removalist was booked and plans were finalised. This was really happening! Although I valued the time my daughter & I spent in packing and getting ready for her to leave it was also hard. Going through the house checking that there was nothing that we’d missed was sad.
Packing up her Christmas decorations was very hard. Her Grandmother had given her a decoration each Christmas from when she was born until she was 21. So many of these decorations have been on our tree for years. (It’s going to be sad when we put up the Christmas tree in a month or so.)
The day she left was very hard and the actual departure at the drop off point at the airport was very, very, sad & teary. Also very weird as there was hardly anyone there. I then spent the day reflecting, writing and reading. A few people suggested I plan to meet with someone. I was happier to be myself for the day. Well my husband was at home as well but he was working.
Right about the time her plane would have been taking off I heard a noise on the back patio. Someone had dropped off a thankyou gift for a talk I’d given a few weeks before that. This person didn’t realise my daughter was leaving that day but the words on the card were perfect for the moment: “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
Since the day she left, I’ve been all right. It seems that the advice I often tell Mum’s who are leaving their young child to be looked after by someone else, that “the actual leaving or separation is the hardest”, is accurate. It’s true whether they are 2 or 22! My daughter & I message each other regularly and have been video calling at least once a week.
What advice would you give to someone who’s child is moving away from home?
Both my daughters flew the coop young and despite the distance between us all we remain in constant contact and up until last year made sure we all gathered in the one spot for a weekend of treats : theatre, shopping, laughter, good food. That your daughter left home with confidence means that you, Jillian, did your job as a parent well.
Thanks May! I love the idea of gathering for a weekend of treats!