ABC’s of Marriage

My husband and I are celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary today. So I thought I’d share my ABC’s of Marriage. That’s one thought for each year of marriage plus one to grow on!

We both came from similar homes. Our values and beliefs are very similar. I think this has helped contribute to our good marriage.

Anyhow here’s my ABC’s of Marriage:

A – Affirm

Affirm each other. It is important to show your gratitude or appreciation when your spouse does something for you or even just about normal household tasks. Also share the good things with others, don’t put your spouse down in front of others.

B – Believe

You have to believe in your marriage and also believe in your partner.

C – Communication & Compromise

The other evening my mother was asking what our secret to marriage was after 25 years. Anyhow, during the conversation my father commented “Communication and compromise. She (pointing to my Mum) communicates and I compromise” While my Dad may have said this as a joke, there is truth in the fact that marriage takes communication and compromise.

We do need to communicate our needs or feelings. However, it also takes compromise as you are going to have differences of opinions and one or both of you might need to compromise.

D – Dates

It’s important to continue dating after you’re married. Particularly when kids come along. When children are young the date could be a special meal shared together after the children are in bed.

E – Enjoy

Enjoy each other for who they are and enjoy doing things together.

F – Finances

Finances can be an issue in marriage. When we were engaged, my husband said “What’s mine is yours,” in regards to money. We share a main bank account, although we do also each have our own personal account. It is also wise to discuss large purchases.

G – Grace

Give grace when your spouse does something that annoys you. Grace and forgiveness are important.

H – Hold Hands & Hug

Not only is it important to show affection everyday but doing this also shows your kids how much you care about each other.

I – I Love You

While it is important to say “I love you”. Remember everyone has a different love language, whether it’s words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts or physical touch. So you may need to say “I love you” using their love language.

J – Joke

It’s important to have fun. Whether that’s joking around or doing something fun together. Laughter is good for all of us.

K – Kids

One of the best things you can do for your kids is to love your spouse. Obviously there are times when it’s better for everyone if the marriage ends.

L – Love is a Verb

Sometimes you may not feel the love but act lovingly anyway.

M – Make Love

Intimacy is important.

N – Natter

Take time to talk to each other. Talk about your day. Listen actively to the other person.

O – Opposites Attract

Opposites attract is true for us in many ways. Often something that attracted you to the other person can become something that drives you nuts in the long run. Remember why you were attracted in the first place.

P – Persistence and Patience

You need to persistently work at your marriage. Patience is needed, especially if your spouse does things differently to how you would.

Q – Quarrelling

Any close relationship will involve some disagreement at some stage. When this happens it’s about handling the disagreements in a healthy way.

R – Respect

Husband’s in particular need to feel respected by their wives. Women need to feel loved. Shaunti Feldhahn discusses this in her book For Women Only, which I reviewed in 3 Books that enhanced our marriage.

S – Space

It’s okay to pursue different hobbies and have time away from each other.

T – Teamwork

As the saying goes “it takes 2 to tango”. Marriage is a partnership. Children need to see their parents working as a team so they can’t play one off, against the other.

U – Unconditional

Show unconditional love.

V – Value

Value the marriage and value each other. Show that you value the other person.

W – Worth It

It is so worth the effort to have a good marriage. Particularly as your kids get older, it is good to have a solid relationship there. I would definitely say that my husband and I still love being in each others company.

X – Xmas Plan

Discuss and have a plan for holidays such as Christmas. We’ve generally had lunch with one side of the family and dinner with the other side of the family. We alternate each year to try and match when our siblings will be in Brisbane.

Y – Yahweh

Yahweh is the Hebrew name for God. Invite God into your marriage.

My husband proposed without a ring. We chose that together. Instead he had made these cards. Each card has a picture of the other, with the words “Together with God, we will be one forever.”

Z – Zzz

They say never go to bed angry. We’ve probably done that most of the time. Even when we haven’t, the issue has been resolved reasonably quickly.

What would you add or change about these ABC’s of marriage?

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