As we celebrate our 24th Wedding Anniversary today I thought I’d share 3 books that have helped in our marriage.
The first 2 books go together – For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and For Men Only by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn
These books have been based on surveys taken of men and women from all different religious, ethnic and social backgrounds and also different ages and marital status. The astonishing thing was that it didn’t matter about the background the answers were generally the same for each sex. My husband bought me For Women Only after hearing about it on a radio program because he thought it might help me understand him a little more.
One of the big things is that men want women to respect them, whereas women need to feel loved. Another truth about men is that have a strong need to provide for us & even if we are contributing to the family income it doesn’t matter. Women need emotional security and don’t always understand the drive to work that men have. For women it is the uninvited thoughts or feeling from past and present that pop up uninvited and for men it is the uninvited images.
A light bulb moment for me was about how women tend to have many different thoughts and feelings running through their heads at once, whereas men tend to focus on one thing at a time. It was from this book that I worked out that when your husband invites you to the hardware store, it’s like a date. As this fits my love language (see below) of quality time I’ll often go with him.
For Men Only also has a quick start guide which is a leaflet that outlines the six key findings about women. Both books were interesting to read to see how men & women are different from each other.
The 3rd book is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The premise of this book is that we all give and receive love in different ways. There are 5 main communication styles: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. This book has stories of how just using the partners love language has turned marriages around. After reading this book I realised that my husband’s love language is acts of service. He’ll do things like lay my pajamas out on the bed for me if I’m out late, so even though he’s asleep I’ll know that he’s been thinking of me by the fact that my pajamas are laid out, ready to put on. It took me a bit longer to work out my own love language but have realised that it’s quality time. If I don’t get to spend time with my husband that’s when I find it hard. For me taking the time to bake for my husband is me showing love to my husband with quality time and he would see it as me showing him love through an act of service. Win-win!
I’ve given this book a few times as an engagement present.
In 5 Books That Influenced My Parenting I shared about the 5 love languages for children.
What books about marriage or relationships would you recommend?