Although my children are now older, I remember well the need of time for myself. Time to remember who I was as a person, time to develop my interests and time to be someone other than just Mum. Many families have been spending a lot more time together. Thus many Mum’s have been feeling overwhelmed and lacking in time for themselves. This post shares some of my story of life with young children, along with some ideas that might help you find time and space for yourself.
I remember when I had a 2½ yr old along with a reflux baby. One morning as my husband was getting ready for work I was holding my baby and my 2½ yr old was tugging at my dressing gown asking for something. I can picture exactly where I was standing and what I was wearing but have no idea what my 2½ yr old said. But I do remember that I just lost it. I can remember just yelling at my daughter and then totally breaking down in tears because what she had done was not bad at all. My anger addressed to her was really anger at my situation and these feelings of not coping and not having any space for me.
At this time my days and nights often consisted of walking around with a baby because if I put him down he would end up in pain and be upset. The only tidy place in my house was the space we cleared in the lounge room each night, so we didn’t trip over anything when we invariably did the night time walk around in circles. I felt like all I did was hold a baby or deal with a toddler. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel that you only seem to be giving? Where has the person that was me gone, you might ask.
Despite the times that I felt totally overwhelmed and consumed by what motherhood was during those early years, looking back I can see that I did find time and space to develop me. These included:
- Card making and calligraphy classes
- Scrapbooking
- Completed a first aid refresher course
- Went back to playing netball
- Read many parenting books
- Undertook various roles at Nursing Mothers (now called ABA)
- Became part of the Worship committee and joined a Bible Study
- Started the MOPS group in our church and later became Regional Coordinator
- Undertook various roles on Kindy and Preschool committees
Of course I didn’t do all of these things at once but this happened over a 7½ year period.
Why Time-out as a Mum is Important
Taking time for yourself is not only good for you but will make you a better mum. The mum who has had time to do something for herself, can come back to her family renewed and refreshed to carry out the many tasks that mothering involves. Children also learn much from watching us. If we take time to develop ourselves they can learn the importance of taking care of themselves.
Time for yourself is also good for your mental health. Looking after your mental health benefits you and your family.
How can you get Space/Time for yourself?
May be your thinking I would love to grow and develop me but how? Where could I find the energy or time to pursue something that I would like to do? Below are a few ideas of how you might be able to fit some time for you into your days.
Finding Time for You
When my children were younger but old enough not to need me straight away upon waking, I would get up at the same time as my husband. Then I would go downstairs and do about 45 mins of scrapbooking before he left for work. If my children got up, my husband would give them some cereal while he was getting ready for work. Another mother I knew with 4 young boys often stayed up late to make jewelry. This was her passion and a girly thing to do surrounded by all those boys.
When my children were older, we would still have rest time. Once they went to school this still happened during the school holidays. This gave space to all of us during the day. I often used to read but this could be a time to work on something that you want to do.
Think about what might work for you and your situation. Can you get up earlier or stay up later? Can you ask your partner or someone else to look after your children, so that you can do something for yourself? Are your children old enough to entertain themselves for a short period whilst you have some time out and do something for yourself?
Self Care and Your Love Language
What you might like to do if you get some time for yourself, will be different for different people. Your personality or love language may mean you like to do different things if you have some space & time. Here’s some ideas depending on what your self love language is. Here’s an article about applying the love languages to how you love yourself.
Is there anything on these lists that resonate with you? Which idea would you like to add into your day or week? How can you make this happen?
Exercise
When my daughter was 5 months old I started attending aqua aerobics. To do this I either left my daughter with my in-laws or in the child minding at the swimming centre where I did the aqua aerobics. She was a breastfed baby so this meant I usually fed her just before I left. However, it wasn’t too long until she was taking some solids and water so I could leave this with whoever was looking after her. I continued to do aqua aerobics through most of my pregnancy with my son and then afterwards for a year or two. This is just one example of a way to fit in some exercise and time for yourself. Many gyms and swimming centres have child minding facilities to make this possible.
We also used to have two jogging prams so that we could continue to get some exercise while our children were very small. My husband would jog with one child while I went for a walk with another. This did not always work as my daughter soon decided that she would like to push her “baby” in her pram. This definitely slowed down my walk but we were still getting out of the house and I guess we were still teaching our daughter the value of exercise. She now regularly exercises when she gets up in the morning.
Can you find a way to fit some exercise in by yourself or with your children?
Making a Plan
In order to make time for yourself, as a Mum, you’ll need to plan for it to happen.
If you could make some time for yourself do you know what you would do?
Can you let your partner or someone else know that you need time for you? When would you fit this in to your week?
What one small thing can you do for yourself this week?
Even if it’s just sit for 5 minutes to write about whatever’s on your mind, once the children are in bed or read 1 page of a book while the children are resting.
What one thing are you going to do for yourself this week? When & how can you make it happen?